Self harm has always been a difficult thing to talk about for me. It’s nothing something I kid or joke about. I take this very seriously. As I am trying to process what I wanted to write about, it was hard for me to start. I am not sure what to share or how fast I should share it. I have no idea who is watching or listening or if anyone cares at all. But, then, it hit me.
Six years ago, I thought about death and dying. I had battled minor self-harm just to see what it was all about. It wasn’t until I was carving names and words into my skin that I realized I had a problem. I had a problem. It was me. I made the choice to do what I was doing. No one forced the blade to my skin. No one told me to be nice to me… or maybe they did and I just didn’t listen. No. I made the choice to and I am so glad I did.
See, my mom always told me, “In order to have a friend, one must be a friend.” I have the best friends in the world. I have been through everything with them. Six year ago, when my best friend saw the words I carved into my legs after a long night of disappointment with myself, she loved me. She took me out for Starbucks and we drank frappachinos until she brought it up.
“So, what’s on your leg.”
I didn’t know she knew. I didn’t think she noticed. So, I broke down and told her. If my best friend had not seen what I had been doing to myself because I hated myself, she would not have known to love me. She saved my life a few weeks later when I was so sure I was going to end my life. It was like a warning shot.
Look, I am someone who used to self-mutilate and self-harm but don’t anymore. I had a rough past but I am making a brigher future. It doesn’t come easy. It won’t be easy. It will always be hard.
But, my friend, it is the darkest before dawn.
The best is yet to come.
So, stand up.
Take every day fifteen minutes at a time.
Do the next thing.
Make the next goal.
Upset at something, give yourself 5 compliments.
Tell yourself every day you are loved.
Remember, you are worth fighting for.
Love is the answer.
And, I am so glad to be alive.
You are worth being alive.
This month is a hard one for you and me, but we can fight this.
We can beat this.
Because, well, love has been shown to us all through the sunrise and sunset.
Creation around us calls us beautiful.
Take the world 15 minutes at the time and breathe.
When you feel like cutting, do something else.
Write a letter.
Do a dance.
Take a shower.
Pet your pet.
Write a song.
Call up a friend.
You are not alone.
You are worth it.
I love you guys. A LOT!
Have a great day.
You are amazing.
And so worth it.
We love you!
I want to hear your story. So, click “SI Story” and share. I started writing about it and am healing. Let writing heal you! Holding of Wrist will be sharing stories every Monday and Friday!