Holding of Wrist is posting supporter-submitted & inspiring self-harm stories ever Monday & Friday of March, Self-Injury Awareness Month. Today’s blog comes from Beth, please let this story inspire you as much as it inspired us. To share your story, click this!
Some people live all their lives to hear the words “I love you”. For me I always wanted to hear the words “I understand”. I made the choice to save myself from cutting. I stopped because in the end, I learned that pain doesn’t need to be permanent. If only I knew that at 15. If only I realized I would grow up.
Some people say you never forget your first time. I will never forget my first kiss. I will also never forget the first time I cut. I can name the day, time, and place. I can even name the reason. It is all apart of me. Cutting got really bad when I turned 18. Today I am 21, and I have not cut for 3 months.
People make fun of people who cut. It is the most disgusting thing you will ever hear. But you never hear people say I understand. You never hear people say stop, its okay, I get it.
I’m supposed to write about my story, but I don’t think I have a definite one. There wasn’t one reason I started. There isn’t one thing that sets me off. For me, cutting was calming and made me feel alive all at the same time.
My biggest concern was others finding out. I did not want someone to make fun of me, or call me a freak. I just wanted someone to tell me they understand. Even now. Even though I have stopped, I am waiting for you to say I understand.
Why am I writing this all down, I don’t think there is a definite reason. I do not even believe that this is a story. It is not my story, its a general message. While others wait for their first kiss or to be told that they are loved – there are just as many people out there waiting to be told they understand. I would like to be the first one to tell you, because no one was there to tell me. I UNDERSTAND and you are worth it.