Holding of Wrist is posting supporter-submitted & inspiring self-harm stories ever Monday & Friday of March, Self-Injury Awareness Month. Today’s blog comes from Parker, please let this story inspire you as much as it inspired us. To share your story, click this!
I fell in love with an amazing guy (I am Bi), unfortunately this guy was extremely uncomfortable with his own sexuality. We did kind of dated behind closed doors. This was all in secrecy, so I had this amazing guy who I thought was interested in me, but I could not tell anyone because his friends were my friends.
3 months into our extremely undefined relationship, he got scared of how people would perceive him and did not want to be in a relationship…. So this secret of how wonderful I felt, suddenly became how bad I felt. Of course I felt I could not tell anyone how I felt because I would be betraying my friend. I felt completely isolated and alone.
Then I started listening to some fairly dark music, and felt as though in a trance. I started cutting…. I had no clue why, but it made me feel better after I did it. Later on I feel I can attribute the cutting to a physical manifestation of how I felt on the inside (the outside pain was something I understood, it took the focus off of dealing with the emotional turmoil inside). I fell into this dark place all of the sudden with nobody I could talk to about it. I honestly wanted to die, because I felt it would be easier to deal with.
This is when I found Holding of Wrist. I felt so alone an isolated. I had not talked to anyone about my problems, and they were the first people I could talk to about it. I feel they were the stepping stone that made me go seek help. I honestly do not know if I would be alive today if it were not for these guys.
I also wanted to personally thank you guys to all you did for me, and for all you continue to do for people who are as messed up as I was.
Now I am 24, back in college and I have a plan for my future. I have not cut in a year!! 🙂