Self-Injury Awareness Month: Blog #8

During the month of March, Self-Injury Awareness Month, Holding of Wrist has been posting supporter-submitted self-harm stories every Monday and Friday. This is our last blog of the month, from Jennifer this time. We hope that you enjoyed this month and that it offered hope into your life.

Have A Great Easter

-Holding of Wrist

In middle school, I was the popular girl. In the second semester of 8th grade, that all changed. I did something, I don’t know what, and people just stopped talking to me. I took a blade to my wrist for the first time in march of my eighth grade year. Over summer, things got better an i stopped. In November of my freshman year, my boyfriend i had been with for a while left me, and my friends started calling me nasty names. I started cutting again, deeper and deeper. No one noticed. No one cared. I went on this way for months, being bullied daily and going home and cutting. I even tried overdosing once, only to wake up in the morning after passing out. I met this guy, who’s now my best friend, in January. We became close, and eventually he noticed my scars. He said, “you know, Jennifer, I have battle scars like those. It’s hard to stop, but you’re worth so much. Just know this: i still think you’re beautiful and I don’t ever wanna lose my bestfriend (side note, this pierce the veil song that those lyrics are from is my all time favorite). So promise me you’ll stop. For just a month. Start with just a month.” I promised him i would stop for a month. I did. It was so hard, but I kept to this promise. And I noticed, months later, when I hadn’t hurt myself for a long time, people care. My mom found out i cut and she was devastated. My dentist saw my scars and called my mom to make sure i was okay. A lady in the supermarket told me she was proud of me for making it this far. My brother said its okay to be sad. A teacher at my school got me into therapy. This showed me, it is all worth it. Really. Someday you’ll be so happy. Someday. So please stay. For me. Please don’t leave. For me. Hold on for a few more days, be good to yourself. For me.

Self-Injury Awareness Month: Blog #6

Holding of Wrist is posting supporter-submitted & inspiring self-harm stories ever Monday & Friday of March, Self-Injury Awareness Month. Today’s blog comes from Lilith, please let this story inspire you as much as it inspired us. To share your story, click this!

When I was younger, I had been raped by my neighbor and he tried to beat me to death afterward. After that traumatizing experience I couldn’t handle anything and thought cutting would relieve the stress and it did but on for a while. I wasn’t happy about it but it fel good some how. My past eats me away like a parasite and I can’t trust anybody anymore. My arms are covered with scars and I honestly hate it. I sought help one day when the sleeve of my jacket rolled down on accident and another student at school saw it. After class asked about it and while I was telling them what happened, I felt a connection. She held me for an hour while I was crying and we both confronted a counselor to help with my self harm. 
And we did. I have been cut free for 2 and 1/2 years and am proud.

Self-Injury Awareness Month: Blog #5

Holding of Wrist is posting supporter-submitted & inspiring self-harm stories ever Monday & Friday of March, Self-Injury Awareness Month. Today’s blog comes from Molly, please let this story inspire you as much as it inspired us. To share your story, click this!

Well..my dad passed when I was 6, in a truck accident. I became depressed not long after that. I was in the third grade when it happened. Kids in my class made fun of me afterwards because I didn’t have a dad, like they all had.
I self harmed for the first time in grade 6. It didn’t hurt like I thought it would, but it wasn’t the best feeling, either. None the less, it made me feel something. 
Shortly after that I had lost all my friends and I was being called a cow and other fat jokes by mostly everyone. That’s when I became bulimic. To this day, despite having friends and people that love me, I am still Bulimic and no one seems to notice. Somewhere between the first time I cut and the Bulimia, I had developed Schizophrenia. I would wake up in the middle of the night and hear voices calling me, asking if anyone can hear them, and voices telling me to do things, like jump out my window. I lived in a one-level house so it wasn’t a suicidal voice, but I still listened to their demands. I tried explaining to my mom but she thought I was dreaming. 
My cutting only got worse from here, adding a step father who leaves to blow his pay check on bear and strippers, and an emotionally unstable mother who would lock herself in her room and smoke weed, I had become an all time low. Here I am today, grade 9. 14 years old. Bulimic. Schizophrenic. Depressed. I’d like to say it’s gotten better..and in some ways it has. I haven’t cut for 2 and a half weeks..and I’m working on eating better.. I plan on maybe seeking help for my problems in the future..there’s got to be someone out in this world that can help me, right?

Self-Injury Awareness Month: Blog #4

Holding of Wrist is posting supporter-submitted & inspiring self-harm stories ever Monday & Friday of March, Self-Injury Awareness Month. Today’s blog comes from Lacey, please let this story inspire you as much as it inspired us. To share your story, click this!

I began to self-injure after a traumatic event. I was grabbed by a Hispanic man while walking late at night. I have many PTSD symptoms even though I wasn’t raped or abducted. I got away, but I still have flashbacks, nightmares and a feeling of vulnerability around men. Shortly after the attack, I began to hate myself for not reporting it. I had a huge feeling of guilt for being out so late; I blamed myself. It has taken me 17 months to tell anyone about my attack. That’s how long I have been self-injuring-since October 2011. I have been hospitalized three times for suicide attempts since then. Since I have opened up about my attack, I haven’t felt suicidal or felt the urge to self-injure. I hope it stays that way.

Self-Injury Awareness Month: Blog #3

Holding of Wrist is posting supporter-submitted & inspiring self-harm stories ever Monday & Friday of March, Self-Injury Awareness Month. Today’s blog comes from Dana, please let this story inspire you as much as it inspired us. To share your story, click this!

I’ve been using self harm as a coping mechanism since I was 11 years old. In two months, I will be 20. I didn’t have an easy life at all. I was bullied, abused, and often felt suicidal and very alone. Whatever my past was, its done and over with now. I’m not sure how long its been since I’ve done anything to myself as I’ve never kept track, maybe a few months, all I know is that I continue to struggle with it everyday. I’ve found that, while more calm now, life is incredibly confusing and frustrating. I’ve found that there are a lot of people who will treat you like crap because of a few scars and they aren’t afraid to tell you what they think. I’ve also found that there are a few people out there that will love you anyway, will love you always, and will love you in such a way that you can finally begin to love yourself. It’s an odd feeling when you catch yourself liking you.

Self-Injury Awareness Month: Blog #2

Holding of Wrist is posting supporter-submitted & inspiring self-harm stories ever Monday & Friday of March, Self-Injury Awareness Month. Today’s blog comes from Parker, please let this story inspire you as much as it inspired us. To share your story, click this!

 

I fell in love with an amazing guy (I am Bi), unfortunately this guy was extremely uncomfortable with his own sexuality. We did kind of dated behind closed doors. This was all in secrecy, so I had this amazing guy who I thought was interested in me, but I could not tell anyone because his friends were my friends. 

3 months into our extremely undefined relationship, he got scared of how people would perceive him and did not want to be in a relationship…. So this secret of how wonderful I felt, suddenly became how bad I felt. Of course I felt I could not tell anyone how I felt because I would be betraying my friend. I felt completely isolated and alone. 

Then I started listening to some fairly dark music, and felt as though in a trance. I started cutting…. I had no clue why, but it made me feel better after I did it. Later on I feel I can attribute the cutting to a physical manifestation of how I felt on the inside (the outside pain was something I understood, it took the focus off of dealing with the emotional turmoil inside). I fell into this dark place all of the sudden with nobody I could talk to about it. I honestly wanted to die, because I felt it would be easier to deal with. 

This is when I found Holding of Wrist. I felt so alone an isolated. I had not talked to anyone about my problems, and they were the first people I could talk to about it. I feel they were the stepping stone that made me go seek help. I honestly do not know if I would be alive today if it were not for these guys. 

I also wanted to personally thank you guys to all you did for me, and for all you continue to do for people who are as messed up as I was. 

Now I am 24, back in college and I have a plan for my future. I have not cut in a year!! 🙂

Self-Injury Awareness Month: Blog #1

Holding of Wrist is posting supporter-submitted & inspiring self-harm stories ever Monday & Friday of March, Self-Injury Awareness Month. Today’s blog comes from Angie, please let this story inspire you as much as it inspired us. To share your story, click this!

 

I was a victim of bullying through out all my life. I was even bullied online as well. I went through quite a lot through out my entire life. 2-3 years ago, I started to self harm really badly. In November 2012, I gave it up on my own. I threw everything out. I’m now 107 days clean from self harm. It’s been a really tough journey, but I’m slowly recovering. I’ve had thoughts about ending my life many times through out my teenage years as well. Nobody was really there for me and I always struggled with everything on my own. I was one of those who kept to myself and wouldn’t talk to anyone about anything because I was scared I would get judged or made fun of.

Starting this school year in 2012, I was not getting bullied anymore. I’m recovering from what I never thought I could. I’m slowly getting better. I honestly never thought I ever could without the help and support from my friends. If you’re struggling with self harm, talk to someone, reach out, even if you talk to a friend. It maybe hard but let me tell you, when I reached out and spoke to a friend and they had helped me, things got so much better! My life may not be perfect to this day but I’m glad to say things are slowly turning out good and not as bad as they used to be. And remember, you’re beautiful, awesome, worth it, amazing and so much more. Keep strong and hang on because things are going to get so much better for you someday.

-Angie

How To NOT let Valentines Get You Down

Instead of writing a long drawn out blog about how *awesome* Valentines Day can be if you really try, I’m going to write a “How to NOT let Valentines Get You Down,” piece… in list form. So, while you shuffle your way down the hall upset that the guy from your English class didn’t give you any chocolate or that your girlfriend dumped you, read this. I promise your day will not suck.

10. Do not turn on ANY romantic movies tonight. Seriously, though… locking your gal pals in your basement watching the *perfect* Ryan Gosling sweep ANOTHER WOMAN off her feet will put you into a bad attitude for months!

9. Eat pizza. Don’t question us. Extra cheese? Gluten free? You got it. I swear, I think pizza heals all broken hearts.

8. Write about it. Now, this is a bit more serious one, but what a better way to document and express yourself than writing about it. If you’re upset you’re single, like me, write about it. If you’re happy and in-love, write about it. If you’re struggling with depression, trying to come out to your family, or just need someone to vent to, your pen and paper will not judge you… and neither will we. Don’t have paper, type! If you can’t type, well, how are you reading this?? 

7. Make sure you have some sort of plans tonight. Go call an old friend. Talk to your mom. Chat with us online. Tonight, I (Colleen) will be online from 7pm Eastern time until 9 pm Eastern Time. If you won’t be online, send us a message. We would love to spend Valentines Day with you!

6. Put on a new outfit… even if you can’t buy it. Set it as a goal. You deserve to feel good about yourself. You are fabulous.

5. Listen to your favorite song OVER AND OVER again. It really helps. And feel free to sing it aloud so that your sleeping neighbors can hear you. (But not so loud the cops come.)

4. Go on a walk. If it’s freezing (like NYC), walk around your house, apartment, or condo. Get those legs moving. Start breathing. You are alive and here for a reason. Your breath and lungs indicate that you have value. You are important. Don’t hesitate to bring a friend with you.

3. Tweet us @holdingofwrist

2. Know that you are loved and we do this for you. YOU are important. You matter. You are why we do what we do. WE LOVE YOU…. every bit, even the dark parts you don’t like.

1. Lastly, try to remember… it’s just a holiday. It’s just a day. It’s just Thursday. So, chin up. Eat some pizza, talk on the phone, and do some homework. Love hard. Love much. Love often.

Remember, love cures pain. We are here for you. You are important. You have a purpose.

Happy Valentines Day.